About John Atkinson

MOI. French for me, Hawaiian for King. I like ’em both. Moi Moi. In a way, that internal dialog of mine is unbalanced. As a socially awkward introvert (Meyers-Briggs INFP-T) and (Enneagram Type 9) I have a very difficult time expressing myself in social conversation. I’m eloquent AF talking to myself or someone I know well enough to be in my inner circle. But, in appearance aloof and reserved with people I don’t know.

Small talk is painful and boring. Face it. Unless we just got off the airplane from somewhere else, we know what the weather is. And, nice or not, we don’t find it interesting enough for a conversation unless the sky is literally falling. So in social environments I’m generally the guy at the party who sits quietly observing in a benign, non-creepy fashion and only speaks when spoken to. If the conversation moves to something other than the weather, say, technology, science, health and nutrition, hiking and the outdoors, moral philosophy, esoteric spirituality, personality, Bigfoot, aliens and what not I’ll talk your ear off and listen to you as well.

But you will have to initiate the contact, because small talk, the gateway to deep talk. Not in my vaunted skillset. Yet. It seems like I used to be able to relate to people, but maybe those awful years broke something I haven’t quite fixed yet, and am unsure that I’m not better off just leaving whatever that is broken, because the narcissistic and dogmatic behaviors I see in so many people these days disturbs me greatly. Greatly enough that when I see things and hear or read words I begin to tire of life. And I like life. So I avoid both dogmatic groups of people and the words about the awfulness such people do in the name of their dogma. I avoid them like they are a dreadful disease. Because they are. 

So don’t invite me to your church where some preacher is going to try and force feed me their moralizing or a rally where some politician is going to tell me how I must vote. My social awkward will vanish like fog and I will verbally flay your hide with all the syrupy sweetness of Texas and the South. Religious and political dogmatics of all stripes just stay away. This old dog values the peace with God and zen-level happiness he has achieved above all else, and he bites people who mess with that.

This social weakness doesn’t extend to business/work related engagements. In that. if I have a considered opinion backed with facts you will know it. If I think that your opinion is stupid and that you are an idiot… I might let you know that as well, because sometime the submarine sailor who has zero tolerance for cake-eating morons comes out without warning. That’s why it’s good that I am self-employed. Yes. I do call myself an idiot. Frequently. Even fired myself just yesterday for being an idiot. I demanded a higher salary before I return to work. Still haven’t figured out how that’s going to roll out.